Welcome back to This Week in Kickstarterland, the last edition for 2014. The holiday period always brings out the crazy in people and crowd funding campaigns are no exception. A quick fuck-you to Indiegogo for no longer displaying if the campaign is “fixed” or “flexible” and doing so without explanation or notice.

BrainCard – Nobody in industry wanted these neural network chips … and guess what, nor do the makers they are targeting. Still, I am interested to see what people can make out of these little guys.
Cynaps Mint – You have to be concerned when their biggest selling point is choosing the colour combination on these 3D printed, bone transducing headphones.
Small Wonder – This doesn’t really smell like a crowd funding campaign. However, with so many headphone gurus endorsing the product it must be good … at least for the sheep.
iPac-Man – Bluetooth game controller and phone charging battery pack in one. Why the hell not?
Wino Board – Another cheap Arduino-like Wifi board. I assume the makers didn’t realise that a “wino” is “a person who drinks excessive amounts of cheap wine or other alcohol, especially one who is homeless.”
Sounds 85 – I have been waiting for a volume limiter like this for years.
Hemingwrite – I am not a writer but even I appreciate this retro product. It won’t fix writers block but it will give you one less distraction (i.e. no porn!)
Whispering Imps – These are really successful playing cards, whatever, but they have a great name/theme.
Andromium – Yet another attempt to turn your (Android) phone into a desktop PC. Bah, whatever.
EVB – These guys have ported the LEGO Mindstorms EV3 source code to the much more powerful BeagleBone and added a bunch of sensors.
Bulletsafe Baseball Cap – For those afraid of a frontal lobotomy, this is a bulletproof baseball cap. Just hope you don’t get hit on the side.
OneRNG – For the tin-foil hatters, this is an open source random number generator that generates more randomness than your current randomness. Because entropy just aint entropy any more.
Pico – Camera intervalometer for time lapse photography. I really like that there is a basic manual mode that doesn’t require your phone.
eRing – Proof that the Kickstarter community is willing to pay a premium for awesome wireless Christmas lights.
Ramos – For people who “beat” their alarm clocks each morning this one requires you walk over to an iBeacon to turn it off … and a bit more useless stuff like home automation. I still prefer Nanda’s Clocky.

Shitstarters

TWI-VIS – Everything about this product sucks – the form factor, the quality, the campaign and even the stupid name.
Cicret Bracelet – When one asshole scams the market successfully, the creeps come out to scam anyone remaining. Thankfully, the victims have all retreated back into their holes. $6 raised is a blessing as this product could never be built.
AppYourCar – While there are a few handy features in this product, their main premise is insanely dangerous. Anybody who thinks they can safely review their calendar (or any of the other stupid things they are suggesting) while driving is going to kill themselves and someone else on the road.
iJump – Charge your phone off someone else’s phone (P2P). I don’t think the Lightening port can supply enough current to do this. I also am not sure if this is a product campaign or a charity campaign.

Left fielders

Lovepalz Twist – Teledildonics and videography at its finest. I think those 3D printed prototypes would be really rough inside.
Gummy-Tip – Two inches of jelly lemon juice on the end of your “peepee”. This is a seriously stupid design that clearly hasn’t been trialled in the real world.
Dream Rooster – Dongles for your dongle to help you wank and lucid dream while you sleep. What could possibly go wrong?
Shower Rock – The ultimate first-world problem … nowhere to put your feet while shaving your legs in the shower.
Magic Mirrors – Display digital images and text in the condensation on a mirror. WTF?

As always, it’s limited only by your frigging imagination!